You Might Be the Problem

And You’ll Never Know Unless You Ask

Photo by Mark Stosberg on Unsplash

It’s easy to believe the problem is always them. Your boss who doesn’t “get” you. That friend who has become distant. The partner who no longer seems as attentive.

But what if, just maybe, it’s you?

The truth is, most of us are terrible at seeing ourselves clearly. We excuse our impatience as “high standards.” We justify our silence as “peacekeeping.” We call our stubbornness “principle.” And while we’re busy narrating these flattering stories, other people are quietly adjusting, shrinking, or even withdrawing.

That’s why honest feedback is priceless. The kind that stings a little. The kind that makes you sit in silence for a moment before you respond. The kind you’d never discover on your own.

Of course, most people won’t give it unless you ask. It feels safer to let you continue in your blind spots. So if you never invite it, you might spend years convincing yourself you’re the victim of bad bosses, bad friends, and bad luck, when in reality, you’re the common denominator.

So here’s the challenge: this week, ask one person you trust, “What’s one thing I do that makes it hard to be around me?” Don’t defend. Don’t explain. Just listen.

You might discover you’re not the problem at all. But if you are, at least now you know. And knowing is the beginning of change.