This article feels to me like it only scratches the surface of what you had on your heart sir. And I would love to hear more. What did you observe that inspired you to write it (you mention a growing trend you noticed - where, how, with whom)? How do you advocate we keep the 1950s values while letting go of the playbook? Or copy both method *and* meaning? Why is this an important word for someone today? This version to me reads like a collection of platitudes without any real mind-changing depth. But I feel like that’s exactly what someone needs.
Hey ụzọma, thank you for this, honestly really helpful pushback. 🙏🏾
You’re right, this was more of a “nudge” piece than a full framework, so it definitely only skimmed the surface.
The trend I’ve been seeing is mainly in church / Christian spaces: young adults trying to import very rigid, hyper-controlled “courtship rules” (often borrowed from older generations or American purity culture) into a 2020s context of DMs, dating apps, long distance and far weaker community. Lots of language about honour and holiness, but sometimes it’s actually fear, control or avoidance of emotional maturity in disguise.
What I’m really arguing for is: keep the values such as clarity of intention, honour, community involvement, delayed gratification, covenant thinking but let those values shape new expressions that actually work now: honest communication, emotional literacy, wise use of tech, realistic boundaries, and shared discernment in community rather than top-down scripts. In some cases we can copy both method and meaning (e.g. involving family / church in discernment), but only after we’ve translated it for our context instead of blindly importing it.
As to why this matters: I think a lot of people are swinging between two extremes- either “do whatever feels right” or “copy something that worked for my grandparents”. Neither helps us think Christianly in our own world. I want us to develop the kind of nuance you’re asking for, so I’ll probably do a follow-up going much deeper on this. If there are specific angles you’d love me to tackle, I’m all ears.
Yes! This makes a world of sense and I look forward to reading the follow up. I think this is a subset of a wider (and urgent) conversation around living as a young person guided by Christian values in *this* day and age of hyper-connectivity and globalisation. Who is the young, 21st century Christian? More than a prescription, it’s a method for applying the eternal values to our current moment, a new technology for being in the world but not of it. Anything less and we are playing religion. I’m glad the feedback was well received, I think you’re really onto something (as always) and I can’t wait to see how the piece develops. ☀️
Well said. So many people are unable to develop original thoughts and ideas as it relates to what their relationships need to thrive TODAY. Nuance seems to be a lost art form. Thanks for sharing this🙏🏾
You’ve captured exactly what I was trying to get at with that word nuance, we can honour what worked before without outsourcing our thinking or ignoring the realities of our own context.
Praying we all keep growing in that kind of thoughtful, Spirit-led discernment in how we build relationships today.
Amen! Let’s bring back the art of pivoting and original thought as it relates to what works for individual relationships. God is so big and creative that He can be the foundation to beautiful unions that aren’t a carbon copy of ancestral relationships.
This article feels to me like it only scratches the surface of what you had on your heart sir. And I would love to hear more. What did you observe that inspired you to write it (you mention a growing trend you noticed - where, how, with whom)? How do you advocate we keep the 1950s values while letting go of the playbook? Or copy both method *and* meaning? Why is this an important word for someone today? This version to me reads like a collection of platitudes without any real mind-changing depth. But I feel like that’s exactly what someone needs.
Hey ụzọma, thank you for this, honestly really helpful pushback. 🙏🏾
You’re right, this was more of a “nudge” piece than a full framework, so it definitely only skimmed the surface.
The trend I’ve been seeing is mainly in church / Christian spaces: young adults trying to import very rigid, hyper-controlled “courtship rules” (often borrowed from older generations or American purity culture) into a 2020s context of DMs, dating apps, long distance and far weaker community. Lots of language about honour and holiness, but sometimes it’s actually fear, control or avoidance of emotional maturity in disguise.
What I’m really arguing for is: keep the values such as clarity of intention, honour, community involvement, delayed gratification, covenant thinking but let those values shape new expressions that actually work now: honest communication, emotional literacy, wise use of tech, realistic boundaries, and shared discernment in community rather than top-down scripts. In some cases we can copy both method and meaning (e.g. involving family / church in discernment), but only after we’ve translated it for our context instead of blindly importing it.
As to why this matters: I think a lot of people are swinging between two extremes- either “do whatever feels right” or “copy something that worked for my grandparents”. Neither helps us think Christianly in our own world. I want us to develop the kind of nuance you’re asking for, so I’ll probably do a follow-up going much deeper on this. If there are specific angles you’d love me to tackle, I’m all ears.
Yes! This makes a world of sense and I look forward to reading the follow up. I think this is a subset of a wider (and urgent) conversation around living as a young person guided by Christian values in *this* day and age of hyper-connectivity and globalisation. Who is the young, 21st century Christian? More than a prescription, it’s a method for applying the eternal values to our current moment, a new technology for being in the world but not of it. Anything less and we are playing religion. I’m glad the feedback was well received, I think you’re really onto something (as always) and I can’t wait to see how the piece develops. ☀️
Well said. So many people are unable to develop original thoughts and ideas as it relates to what their relationships need to thrive TODAY. Nuance seems to be a lost art form. Thanks for sharing this🙏🏾
Thank you, Shelbrea, really appreciate this. 🙏🏾
You’ve captured exactly what I was trying to get at with that word nuance, we can honour what worked before without outsourcing our thinking or ignoring the realities of our own context.
Praying we all keep growing in that kind of thoughtful, Spirit-led discernment in how we build relationships today.
Amen! Let’s bring back the art of pivoting and original thought as it relates to what works for individual relationships. God is so big and creative that He can be the foundation to beautiful unions that aren’t a carbon copy of ancestral relationships.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
🙇🏽♂️🙏🏽🙌🏽
Thank you, sir! 👏🏾
Most welcome bro🙌🏽🙏🏽