To Be, Rather than to Seem (to Be)

Embracing Authenticity in a World Obsessed with Image

We live in an era where how we present ourselves can sometimes feel more important than who we actually are. Social media platforms are flooded with carefully edited photos, meticulously chosen words, and perfectly crafted personas. But beyond the filtered reality, a deeper question remains: Are we truly living as we portray, or merely projecting an image we hope others will buy into?

As a student at Royal Holloway, University of London, I often found myself reflecting on our university’s motto: "To be, rather than to seem (to be)." This phrase has stayed with me, shaping my perspective in profound ways. It’s why I frequently pray and hope not to be placed in spaces before I am fully prepared for them. It’s also why I'm deeply intentional about focusing on being rather than just doing, striving to grow into every role I aspire to embody, rather than merely appearing to fit.

The phrase "to be, rather than to appear to be" is more than just a mantra; it’s a philosophy that invites us to step into the courage of authenticity. To live in a way that prioritises substance over semblance, truth over illusion, and genuine connection over superficial validation. But what does it really mean to embrace this approach in today’s hyper-visual, comparison-fuelled world?

Photo by Sarah Dorweiler on Unsplash

1. The Trap of Appearances

We often underestimate how easy it is to fall into the trap of appearances. It starts subtly—an edited selfie here, a humble-brag caption there, a carefully crafted LinkedIn post. We want people to see our best selves, and while there's nothing inherently wrong with that, the risk is that we begin valuing the appearance of success, happiness, or fulfilment over the actual experience of those things.

When appearances become more important than authenticity, we start chasing an image instead of nurturing who we truly are. We might end up filling our days with activities that look impressive but don’t bring genuine satisfaction. We might find ourselves surrounded by people who admire our surface-level accomplishments but don’t truly know or connect with us. In the end, we're left feeling hollow, even though to the outside world, we appear to have it all together.

2. The Peace in Just Being

There’s a quiet peace in allowing yourself to simply be. When we shed the need to appear a certain way, we create space for self-acceptance and genuine growth. We can be honest with ourselves about our strengths and weaknesses, about what fulfils us and what doesn’t. We stop living for the applause and start living for the moments that actually resonate with our soul.

When we choose to be rather than appear to be, we find the courage to show up as we are, without pretences or facades. This doesn’t mean that we abandon ambition or stop striving to be our best selves. Rather, it means that our pursuits are grounded in our authentic desires, values, and passions, not in a need to impress others.

3. The Cost of Authenticity

Choosing to live authentically does come at a cost. When you prioritise being over appearing, you might find that not everyone understands or supports you. Some people are drawn to appearances and may feel uncomfortable around someone who isn’t afraid to be real. Authenticity can be confronting; it’s like holding up a mirror that shows others what they might be hiding from themselves.

However, the benefits of living authentically far outweigh the costs. When you’re true to yourself, you attract people who resonate with your true essence, not just your image. You start building relationships based on genuine connection, rather than transactional admiration. The people who stick around are those who value you for who you are, not just for what you represent.

4. How to Embrace Being Over Appearing

Living authentically is easier said than done, especially in a culture that rewards appearances. But here are a few steps that can help you move from a life of appearances to a life of true being:

• Self-Reflection: Take the time to understand who you are at your core. What values matter to you? What are your dreams, fears, and passions? Get clear on who you are beyond the labels and titles.

• Let Go of the Need for Approval: One of the biggest barriers to authenticity is the desire for external validation. Remember, the people who truly matter will appreciate the real you. You don’t need everyone’s approval, just the right people’s.

• Live Your Values: Once you know what you stand for, let that guide your actions and decisions. Whether or not anyone is watching, let your values shape the way you live.

• Accept Imperfections: No one is perfect, and striving to appear flawless only adds unnecessary pressure. Embrace your imperfections—they are part of what makes you human and relatable.

• Practice Vulnerability: Being real often requires vulnerability. Allow yourself to share the unfiltered parts of your life with trusted people. It’s in these moments that we connect most deeply with others.

5. The Legacy of Authentic Living

At the end of our lives, what will matter most is not how many people admired us but how deeply we connected with those around us. Living authentically—being rather than appearing—leaves a legacy of honesty, depth, and true relationships. We may not remember every perfectly posed photo or every witty caption, but we will remember the moments when we showed up as our true selves and allowed others to do the same.

Choosing to be rather than to appear is a radical act in today’s world. It requires courage, resilience, and a willingness to swim against the current. But as you begin to embrace your true self, you’ll find that there is an unparalleled freedom in letting go of the façade. You’ll discover a life that feels fuller, deeper, and more meaningful than anything appearances could ever offer.

So, here’s my challenge to you: Embrace the messy, imperfect, real version of yourself. Seek experiences that fulfil you rather than just make you look good. Cultivate relationships with people who love you as you are, not as they wish you to be.

To be, rather than to appear to be—that’s where true freedom, joy, and purpose live.