Porn Starts with the Premise That Men and Women Are Stupid

And we’ve been performing that stupidity ever since.

Photo by Kin Shing Lai on Unsplash

Porn doesn’t just reduce people.
It doesn’t just objectify bodies or rewire brains or teach us to fast-forward intimacy.

It insults our intelligence.

Because at its core, porn is built on a wild, almost laughable assumption:
That men are ruled entirely by urges, and women are just waiting to be interrupted, at work, at home, at the gym, by those urges.
No resistance. No real conversation. Just… tension, then action. Always ridiculous. Often unsanitary.

And yet… we watch.

Not just on screens.
But in the way culture has absorbed porn’s worldview into dating, power, consent, and attention.

It teaches men to chase without curiosity, and women to comply without conviction.
It teaches boys that sexuality is urgency, and girls that attention is currency.
It teaches everyone that love is a transaction, if I do this, I get that.
There’s no pause. No mystery. No soul.
Just the loud, endless drumbeat of performance.

Porn is not just about sex.
It’s about how we’ve made intimacy stupid.
How we’ve outsourced desire to algorithms, emotion to clickbait, connection to choreography.

And it’s making real-life relationships harder.

We don’t date anymore, we simulate.
Swipe, spark, sleep. Ghost, repeat.
And even when love comes knocking, porn has taught us to ask:
“Can you perform for me?”
Not: “Can you see me?”

Because that’s what porn skips, the seeing.
The knowing. The nuance.
It doesn’t care if your partner is safe, or joyful, or even consenting in spirit.
It only asks: Is it happening?
And will someone watch?

It has no room for awkwardness or slowness or depth.
It edits out communication and replaces it with choreography.
It edits out humanity and replaces it with heat.

And slowly, almost imperceptibly, it makes real love feel boring.
Because porn has trained us to expect a highlight reel, not a person.
No backstory. No boundaries. No breath.

And the saddest part?

It’s robbed many of us, especially young men, of the thing they wanted most:
Not sex.
But intimacy.
Someone who sees them and stays.

So yes, porn starts with the premise that we are all stupid.
That men can’t think beyond their hormones.
That women don’t deserve to say no.
That pleasure matters more than people.

And when we absorb that long enough, we start living like it’s true.

But it’s not.

You are not stupid.
You are not insatiable.
You are not incapable of self-control or real connection.

You’re just thirsty.

And there’s better water than this.