This is so timely for me. I started debating myself on the time restriction I’ve set in place and if it’s even serving me or simply working against the specific climate I’m in. Every point you stated feels like it’s written just for me, thank you.
I actually haven’t read Choosing God’s Best yet, but I’d genuinely love to. If you’ve got a favourite chapter or key takeaway, send it my way, I’ll prioritise it and I’d be happy to share my thoughts once I’ve read it.
You should definitely give it a read because I would love to hear more on your insights in comparison to the book. I think the author does a really good job in explaining especially from a biblical perspective, but for me personally. I have to balance this line very delicately because it sometimes swings me back to the point of legalism. We're in such a fast paced world where there are a thousand different variables. For examples he mentions when talking on the phone keep it to a minimum, not spending too much time alone. But what if you're in a long distance relationship and you're trying to find out if they're the one. At the end of the day, I think its great wisdom but also needing to go back to the Father for what's right for the plans He has for your life.
Thank you, Favour, really appreciate this question.
Biblically, there isn’t a fixed “approved” age gap. Scripture doesn’t give a number; it gives principles: wisdom, honour, maturity, love, and good stewardship. So a 6+ year gap can be perfectly fine, but it’s not automatically wise just because it’s permitted.
What matters most is stage of life and maturity, not the number. A 6-year gap looks very different at 20 & 26 than at 30 & 36.
A few discernment checks I’d use:
- Life stage alignment: Are you building towards the same pace (marriage timeline, children, location, career stability)?
- Maturity and character: Does the older person lead with humility, patience, and responsibility not control?
- Power dynamics: Is there an unhealthy imbalance (money, status, spiritual “seniority”) that makes it hard for the younger person to be fully themselves?
- Shared values and vision: Do you agree on faith practice, family life, finances, boundaries, and community?
- Community confirmation: Do wise people who know you both see health and peace in it?
So yes, 6 years and above can work, when the relationship is healthy, mutual, and aligned, and not driven by insecurity, fantasy, or pressure.
This is so timely for me. I started debating myself on the time restriction I’ve set in place and if it’s even serving me or simply working against the specific climate I’m in. Every point you stated feels like it’s written just for me, thank you.
This article has truth barz on point. The one thing that caught me is "Faith without thinking is religion". This is so true.
Thanks for reading and highlighting that. 🙌🏾
Enjoyed this piece Adekunle! Have you ever read Choosing God’s best? I’m curious on your thoughts.
Hi Brittany, thank you so much for reading! 😊
I actually haven’t read Choosing God’s Best yet, but I’d genuinely love to. If you’ve got a favourite chapter or key takeaway, send it my way, I’ll prioritise it and I’d be happy to share my thoughts once I’ve read it.
You should definitely give it a read because I would love to hear more on your insights in comparison to the book. I think the author does a really good job in explaining especially from a biblical perspective, but for me personally. I have to balance this line very delicately because it sometimes swings me back to the point of legalism. We're in such a fast paced world where there are a thousand different variables. For examples he mentions when talking on the phone keep it to a minimum, not spending too much time alone. But what if you're in a long distance relationship and you're trying to find out if they're the one. At the end of the day, I think its great wisdom but also needing to go back to the Father for what's right for the plans He has for your life.
That’s really helpful and I get you.
I’ll definitely read it. The tension you’re naming is real: good guardrails can slide into legalism if we treat them as universal laws.
What helps me is separating:
- Principles (timeless): holiness, honesty, honour, accountability.
- Practices (variable): call length, alone time, frequency which depend on context (especially long-distance).
So yes: take the wisdom, but keep running it through prayer and peace because God’s guidance is often specific to the season and the people involved.
I must say this write-up has a tone of clarity.
However, I have a question sir.
What's your take on age gaps between couples.
Is it advisable? 6 years and above.
Thank you, Favour, really appreciate this question.
Biblically, there isn’t a fixed “approved” age gap. Scripture doesn’t give a number; it gives principles: wisdom, honour, maturity, love, and good stewardship. So a 6+ year gap can be perfectly fine, but it’s not automatically wise just because it’s permitted.
What matters most is stage of life and maturity, not the number. A 6-year gap looks very different at 20 & 26 than at 30 & 36.
A few discernment checks I’d use:
- Life stage alignment: Are you building towards the same pace (marriage timeline, children, location, career stability)?
- Maturity and character: Does the older person lead with humility, patience, and responsibility not control?
- Power dynamics: Is there an unhealthy imbalance (money, status, spiritual “seniority”) that makes it hard for the younger person to be fully themselves?
- Shared values and vision: Do you agree on faith practice, family life, finances, boundaries, and community?
- Community confirmation: Do wise people who know you both see health and peace in it?
So yes, 6 years and above can work, when the relationship is healthy, mutual, and aligned, and not driven by insecurity, fantasy, or pressure.
Thank you for this insight sir🙏🏾
Thank you!
most welcome Elizabeth🙇🏽♂️
Perfect🥂
🙌🏽🙌🏽
Wonderful
🙌🏽🙌🏽
Such good food for thought! ✨
🙌🏽🙇🏽♂️🙌🏽
Thank you, sir! 👏🏾💯
🙇🏽♂️🙌🏽