Living in the Shadow of Trauma

Managing PTSD Daily

Photo by Tanya Trofymchuk on Unsplash

From the outside, Ben appeared to have it all. He had a great job that provided for his family, a loving wife, and two children who adored him. His life seemed full of everything anyone could want. But beneath the surface, Ben was trapped in the shadows of his past. Childhood trauma, buried for years, still clung to him, manifesting in ways he could no longer ignore.

The trauma Ben experienced as a child had left scars, scars that never fully healed. While he had learned to compartmentalise the memories, they often found their way back into his present in the form of flashbacks and night terrors. He could be sitting at his desk at work, completely focused on a project, when suddenly a memory would flood his mind—so vivid, so real, that it felt as though he were reliving it. His heart would race, his palms would sweat, and it would take everything in him to pull himself back to the present.

The nights were the hardest. Sleep, meant to be a reprieve, became a battleground for Ben. His dreams were often hijacked by night terrors, reliving the darkest moments of his childhood. He would wake up in a cold sweat, his heart pounding, unsure of where he was for a few terrifying seconds. His wife would try to comfort him, but the look in her eyes told him she was at a loss—she didn’t know how to help, and that only added to his sense of isolation.

Ben’s ability to be present in his daily life was severely impacted by his trauma. His children would ask him to play, and while he tried his best to engage, there were times when he felt distant, disconnected. It wasn’t that he didn’t love them—he did, deeply—but the unresolved trauma acted as a barrier, keeping him from fully immersing himself in the joy and simplicity of fatherhood. He felt like a ghost in his own life, going through the motions but never truly present.

For a long time, Ben resisted seeking help. He had always prided himself on being self-reliant, on being able to handle things on his own. But the truth was, he couldn’t keep living like this. The flashbacks were becoming more frequent, the nightmares more intense, and his relationships were beginning to suffer. It became clear that he couldn’t outrun his past—it was catching up to him in ways he hadn’t anticipated.

Finally, after a particularly intense night terror that left him shaken for days, Ben decided to seek therapy. He was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a term that made sense of everything he had been experiencing but also one that carried a weight he wasn’t prepared for. Knowing he had PTSD was both a relief and a burden—relief in the sense that his experiences had a name, but a burden because he knew it was something he would have to manage for the rest of his life.

Therapy became a lifeline for Ben. He learned how to process the trauma rather than bury it. His therapist guided him through techniques like grounding exercises to pull him out of flashbacks and mindfulness practices to help him stay present during the day. But therapy wasn’t a quick fix, nor did it erase the trauma. The memories remained, and Ben came to realise that living with PTSD was a lifelong journey, one that required ongoing effort and self-awareness.

Ben’s story is a testament to the lasting impact of trauma. Even when life appears to be going well on the surface, the effects of unresolved trauma can continue to reverberate, shaping thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. His experience highlights the importance of recognising that healing isn’t linear, and that continued support—whether through therapy, community, or loved ones—is essential for anyone living with PTSD.