How to Choose a Wrong Spouse

A Cautionary Guide

The journey to marital bliss is often paved with tales of missteps and lessons learned the hard way. Take my friend, Sarah, for example, who always joked that she could write a book titled How to Choose a Wrong Spouse. Sarah’s whirlwind romance followed by a tumultuous marriage serves as the perfect prelude to our discussion. Today, we’ll explore the common pitfalls in choosing a life partner, illuminating the serious considerations we must keep in mind, all through a tongue-in-cheek guide on how to pick the wrong spouse.

Photo by 愚木混株 cdd20 on Unsplash

The Art of Choosing Incorrectly

1. Ignore Core Values and Beliefs:

   • Sarah ignored the mismatch in core values between her and her partner, believing love would conquer all. If you’re aiming to replicate her situation, disregard any alignment in core values and beliefs. Remember, differences in areas like morality, religion, and life goals aren't just minor hurdles; they can become chasms in a relationship.

2. Focus Solely on Physical Attraction:

   • Sarah was swept off her feet by her partner's charm and good looks, emphasising physical attraction above all. While chemistry is important, basing a lifelong commitment solely on appearance or sparks is akin to choosing a book by its cover—appealing initially but without guarantee of depth or compatibility.

Communication Missteps: A Recipe for Disaster

1. Avoid Deep Conversations:

   • To ensure a foundation as unstable as Sarah’s, steer clear of meaningful communication. Avoid discussing your thoughts on children, career ambitions, or personal fears. Keeping conversations at the surface level ensures that you'll be unprepared for deeper emotional or logistical challenges that arise later.

2. Ignore Conflict Resolution Skills:

   • A great way to doom a relationship is to ignore how your partner handles disagreements. Sarah’s partner avoided conflict, letting issues simmer until they boiled over. If you want a life filled with unresolved issues and bitterness, pick a partner whose conflict resolution skills are either aggressive or non-existent.

Lifestyle and Habit Red Flags

1. Overlook Lifestyle Habits:

   • Sarah overlooked her partner’s extravagant spending habits, which clashed with her frugal nature. For a surefire turbulent marriage, overlook habits related to health, finances, and leisure that clash with your own.

2. Dismiss the Importance of Mutual Respect and Support:

   • Choose a partner who doesn’t support your dreams or who belittles your achievements. This not only erodes love but also your self-esteem and life satisfaction, as Sarah painfully discovered.

External Pressures and Quick Decisions

1. Succumb to External Pressures:

   • Feel pressured by family, biological clocks, or societal expectations? Rush into a marriage to meet these external deadlines without fully understanding your partner's character or compatibility, much like Sarah did under the pressure of "settling down."

2. Refuse to Acknowledge Red Flags:

   • Love wearing rose-colored glasses? Follow Sarah’s initial mistake and ignore those red flags, whether they're minor annoyances or major concerns about your partner’s behavior or background.

Conclusion: Turning Lessons into Wisdom

Understanding how not to choose a spouse, as illustrated by Sarah’s journey, serves as a stark reminder of the careful consideration required in such a lifelong commitment. By learning from these misguided approaches, we can focus on building relationships based on deep compatibility, mutual respect, and shared life goals. Let these lessons guide you closer to choosing a partner who is truly right for you, ensuring a supportive, loving, and fulfilling marriage.